


The Waterproof Screaming Octopus Silicone Clitoral Vibrator, Only $14.95, Batteries Included (Blue!)

by anonymous_sibyl



Category: Private Practice
Genre: Episode Related, Female Protagonist, Masturbation, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-04-28
Updated: 2008-04-28
Packaged: 2017-10-03 06:35:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,181
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15215
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anonymous_sibyl/pseuds/anonymous_sibyl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Drink the drink, walk the walk, flick the bean.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Waterproof Screaming Octopus Silicone Clitoral Vibrator, Only $14.95, Batteries Included (Blue!)

**Author's Note:**

> Written for [](http://romanticalgirl.livejournal.com/profile)[**romanticalgirl**](http://romanticalgirl.livejournal.com/)'s [Wet &amp; Wild Challenge-A-Thon Thing!](http://romanticalgirl.livejournal.com/601682.html) Takes place during the episode "In Which Addison Finds a Showerhead." Yes, you too can own a [screaming octopus vibe](http://www.pleasuremenow.com/index.asp?PageAction=VIEWPROD&ProdID=5339).
> 
> This work is licensed under a [Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License](http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-nd/3.0/us/). None of the media or characters written about in my fanfiction belong to me and I make no profit from these works. 

"I can do this. _I_ can do this." Addison sighed and placed the package on her couch, then jumped guiltily and pushed it to the floor. She dropped her face into her hands and mumbled "Oh, who am I kidding? I can't do this."

She nudged the brown paper bag with her toe. The opening gaped and the garish package peeked out at her. "Oh, god."

A bath would help. And some wine. Because she was going to do this. She was not going to have another one of those dreams that left her crazy for whatever man crossed her path and she most certainly was not going to be the One Woman In the World Who Has Never Masturbated for any longer than today. Bad enough to be Derek's Ex-Wife and That Cheating Whore, she didn't need another role.

Besides, she thought, pouring a river of scented oil into her tub and following it with enough bubble bath to make sure nothing going on under the water could be seen above it, this was fun, right? Everyone said it was fun. She herself had told plenty of young girls that it was the healthy alternative to sex with a partner, and she was absolutely the kind of woman who walked the walk and didn't just talk the talk.

"Walk the walk. Right." She walked the walk right to her kitchen and poured out a glass of wine. She eyed the red liquid critically, took a sip, then poured in another inch. "Drink the drink, walk the walk, flick the bean." She sighed and closed her eyes. She'd better take the bottle to the bath with her.

Only a little of the wine spilled into the bath when she propped the bottle up on the edge of the tub. She shrugged, then took her clothes off, folded them neatly, and placed them on the toilet lid. She dipped her toes into the water then hastily jerked them back out. She'd dithered so much that the water had cooled beyond the point of comfortable bathing. She drained a little, then turned the hot water on full-force.

While she was waiting for the bath to heat up she looked at the… the thing. The waterproof screaming octopus silicone clitoral vibrator, only $14.95, batteries included (blue!). She tentatively poked it. The package said it was multi-speed. She turned it on low and held it to her arm. That wasn't bad. She smiled as she ran it up her arm to her shoulder. Kind of nice, actually. She could do this.

She put it down within arm's reach of the tub and stepped in. Nice and warm, getting warmer. She leaned back, closed her eyes, wriggled her toes under the running water, and groaned when the tension eased out of her muscles. She fumbled her fingers across the rim of the tub until she touched the wine goblet. She crawled her fingers up the stem until she could cup the bowl, then raised the glass to her mouth. "Oh, yeah," she murmured, "that's it."

Warm enough, she curled her toes around the faucet and turned off the water. She dangled her hand over the edge of the tub and prodded the octopus. It was terribly blue and those tentacles looked like something out of a horror movie. Still, she had to admit, the tiny nubs were intriguing.

She held her breath when she lowered the octopus into the water, hoping it was as waterproof as promised and that she wasn't going to die by vibrator or anything. Derek would love that. Mark, too. And everyone at the clinic except Dell would never stop talking about it. She'd become an object lesson to women everywhere: _Oh, don't use that in the bath, didn't you hear about Addison? She electrocuted her vagina! Fried all the hair right off! The good news was she never had to wax again, the bad news was she was dead!_

Yes, Addison, she thought, making a drama out of this is the way to go. Convince yourself the little blue octopus is going to kill you and then you'll never have an orgasm by yourself. And then you'll dream about men every single night and end up falling into bed with the first man who says you're pretty, smart, and have cute shoes, and you really can't afford to replace any more shoes.

She held her breath then turned it on. She didn't die, so she moved the vibrator over her thigh in slow circles. She shivered. That was really not bad. Growing braver, she parted her legs slightly and touched the vibe to her pubic mound. She breathed out in pleasure when the light vibrations ran down to her clit.

Yeah, this was good. She relaxed a bit, spread her legs a little more, and moved the vibe up and down her labia. Slow was the key, she thought. Take it slow, just like with anything that's new, and ease into it. The nubs were just as good as she'd expected and the tentacles were everywhere, one slipping between her lips and over her clit.

"Oh!" She clapped her hand over her mouth when she yelped, then she shook her head, ashamed. No one was there to hear her. She could moan and scream all she wanted. "Suck it up, Addison."

She kicked her leg out of the bath, bubbles trailing behind it, and braced her heel against the rim of the tub. She scooched down until the water was brushing her chin and cocked her hips until she could wriggle around freely.

Another glass of wine and she could barely keep her head above the water. She pursed her lips to blow bubbles off her mouth and giggled when water sloshed over the rim of the tub onto the floor. The buzzing was good--great, really--even though it took her a little time to figure out how to get it right where she wanted it. Once she did, holy shit! She could move it any way she wanted, left, right, up, down, in figure eights if she felt like it and she didn't have to worry about a sexual partner who was going to spend the next day complaining that surgery was miserable because he had a crick in his neck from satisfying her. Did anyone ever care about her jaw or knees the next day? Hell no.

She reached under the water and parted her labia so she could press the vibe to her clit. A wave of water hit the floor as she writhed under it. Her head whipped back and forth, wet hair catching on her skin and lashing her face. She gripped the vibe so tight her fingers were cramping and she had to drop the wine glass for fear the stem would shatter in her other hand. Her breath came faster and faster and when she finally exploded she screamed, sinking under the water. She came up sputtering for air and giggling.

"Oh my god, that was worth way more than $14.95."


End file.
